


A Sleepless Night

by Penelovemepark



Category: Legacies (TV 2018)
Genre: Angst, F/F, Josie is a speechless mess, Penelope's back aches from being thrown across the world
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-03-01
Updated: 2019-04-18
Packaged: 2019-11-07 11:39:16
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 20,027
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17959787
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Penelovemepark/pseuds/Penelovemepark
Summary: Penelope hates how much she wants to fall into Josie’s arms. How much she still loves her, after all she’s put her through. Josie can talk all she wants about how Penelope broke her heart, as if Josie didn’t break hers every single time she left her for Lizzie, every time Penelope spent waiting up for a date that never happened because Josie was too busy being too selfless. Every time Josie put everyone but Penelope before herself.Penelope has a sleepless night, and wanders the school before overhearing a particularly damaging conversation.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hi! I know I haven't touched my other fic yet but I promise an update is coming soon I've just been super busy since I left home for uni. I hope you enjoy this one shot (which might become a multific depending on how you respond to it) and that you're all doing well! Leave a kudos or a comment and tell me what you think!! Also if you haven't seen my other fic yet go check it out hehe

It’s a quiet night, the quietest it’s been in a long time. With the urn bringing monsters around every three seconds, Penelope can’t remember the last time she was able to drift off into a peaceful sleep that wasn’t interrupted by screaming, crashing, and Hope yelling spells. Yet there’s no noise tonight, and Penelope finds herself more awake than she’s been in a long time.

Spring break has just begun, almost all of the students have returned back to their respective homes. Penelope would rather die than be around her unbearable coven for this holiday. So, she conjures up an effortless lie and opts to stay at school, not bothering to open the letter that holds her covens reply to her refusal to come back. Penelope closes her eyes for the billionth time and tries to lure in sleep. She feels herself drifting into a sleep and lets out a breath, only for her eyes to snap open as a pain shoots through her back. Penelope lets out a frustrated groan, remembering the damage inflicted onto her back from a few nights ago.

 _Couldn’t she have just done a sleep spell or something? Why the fuck did she have to throw me across the entire universe._

Penelope sighs, giving up on her quest for sleep and edges herself slowly out of bed. She stands up and clenches her teeth, waiting for the pain to dull. She curses Hope silently for the pain she’s in, but she knows that her pain isn’t solely due to Hope. The memory of the barn makes her mind shifts to the very thing she’s been trying to avoid, Josie.

It’s been a week since Josie came back from Europe after running off without a word, days since she openly rejected Penelope’s letter, then kissed her in the barn, only to then run off _again._ If Penelope didn’t know better, she’d think Josie was a professional athlete, with all the running she seems to be doing. Her eyes fall to the floor, the pain in her back is _nothing_ compared to the agony that plagues her heart. 

She’s sick of this, feeling conflicted all the time. She broke up with Josie, she knows why she did, and she stands by her decision. It hurts though, when Josie says she hates her or calls her Satan. When she looks at Penelope with pure resentment, or worse, when she looks at Penelope with a sad longing. When Penelope knows she has to force herself to give a cold stare back, or smirk and turn away like Josie means nothing to her. Like a mantra, Penelope repeats it over and over again every time Josie manages to break the already broken pieces of her heart 

 _Do it for her._

Penelope takes a deep breath and closes her eyes, whispering it to herself a few times before opening them up. Somehow, she thinks that reminding herself of her goal will make her heart hurt less. She walks out of the room briskly, knowing it will hurt her back. The pain is sharp, and it causes tears to well up in Penelope’s eyes.

But at least she can’t feel the pain in her heart anymore.

* * *

 Penelope lets her left hand brush the smooth walls as she walks purposelessly down the hallway. It’s late, and she knows she’s breaking curfew. There’s no one around to catch her though, and the more she walks, the more her back aches, the less her heart will. She’s lost in her thoughts about Josie. Every single thing she does brings her memories of the two. Walking down this hallway reminds her of her first day at Salvatore, the way Josie smiled at her as she gave Penelope a tour. The way they fell into comfortable silences, the way Penelope felt an indescribable infatuation with her from the second they parted ways. How they would wear socks and see who could slide the furthest down, how Josie fixed up Penelope’s cut from when she slid too far and slammed into the wall.

She finds herself at the base of the stairs in the main hall, and memories of Josie avoiding her flood her senses. She can almost hear Josie. 

_I’m not going to read it at all._

Penelope stares at the bottom of the steps, where Josie sat, where she broke her heart again. The longer she stares, the more her vision becomes blurry. She thinks it’s because she’s focusing too hard in one spot, until a wet trickle tickles her cheek and she realises she’s crying. She can’t feel anything, except the ache in her back. So she wipes away the tear and continues up the stairs, purposely taking two at a time, so that the tears that continue to fall from her face are now because of her back. 

Then, she finds herself back at the hallway for the rooms. She decides that walking around is useless, that the pain she’s put her back through will make it almost impossible to sleep now. 

 _Maybe if I cry myself to sleep._

Penelope walks slowly back to her room but stops when she sees a light down the hall that shouldn’t be on, coming from a room that shouldn’t be occupied. She changes her course and instead walks down towards the light source.

 _Josie’s back?_

She didn’t except Josie to be back so quick, it’s been less than 24 hours, she thought she wouldn’t see Josie until after spring break. She walks slowly towards Josie’s room, but stops when she sees someone leaning against the door. 

 _Hope._

Penelope frowns, since when did Hope willingly go to the girl’s room and talk to them? She walks a bit closer, hiding behind a plant. She can hear Lizzie's voice.

" _Why would it matter that I knew?"_  Penelope's stomach flips when she hears Josie's voice reply.

“ _Because my whole life, any time I’ve ever liked anyone. You go for them. And you always win.”_  

Penelope turns, about to walk away, realising that this is an invasion of privacy, but she realises it too late. 

“ _You had a crush on me?”_

Penelope stops dead in her tracks, and slowly turns back around. She can see from the side of Hope’s face that she’s smiling. Penelope can’t breathe. 

“ _Of course I did, who wouldn’t?”_

Josie’s words hit her like a train, knocking the air out of her lungs. Penelope can’t move, she’s rooted to her spot. She hates herself, so fucking much, for the jealousy she feels. She knows she has no right, she _broke_ Josie’s heart. Yet here she is, three seconds away from doing a spell that would send Hope flying through the window. 

 _Of course I did._

Penelope swallows thickly, clenching her teeth, hating herself for the tears that trickle down her face. 

_Who wouldn’t?_

Josie, _her_ Josie, liking someone else. Penelope feels like a child, getting so hurt over Josie liking someone else. She can’t help it.  They are soulmates, they both know this. Josie is the love of her life, and she always will be. And up until now, Penelope hadn’t ever considered she might not be Josie’s. Fear clouds her judgement, and Josie’s earlier words come back to Penelope. 

 _Every time I’ve ever liked anyone, you go for them._

Penelope and Lizzie have never had a good relationship. Perhaps it was because Josie was spending more time with Penelope and less with Lizzie. Penelope had always thought this was because Josie liked her, and that their connection was natural, that they were _meant_ to be. But now, she’s beginning to think that Josie only went after her because she knew Lizzie would never, because they hated each other. 

 _Josie went for me because I was the only one Lizzie wouldn’t go for._

Her logic screams that it’s not true, that Josie truly loved her and would never do that to her. That Josie went for her because she genuinely liked Penelope, not to finally have someone Lizzie couldn’t, not to fulfil her own personal vendetta. That Josie cares about her and her feelings, that she loves her. But somewhere deep down, fear takes over again.

_And you always win._

Was Penelope some kind of prize to Josie? A trophy to show that she finally got something Lizzie didn’t? Penelope feels like she was just a game to Josie, her fear backs this notion up. It makes Penelope think about how Josie kissed her and then fucked off to Europe, avoided her and blatantly refused to read her letter, kissed her again then avoided her and ran off _again_. She begins to think that maybe Josie really doesn’t care for her feelings, because if she did then she’d read her note, talk to her, fucking _look_ at her. 

Penelope feels sick to her stomach. She cannot stand to look at Hope. Josie still wears that fucking necklace Hope gave her. 

 _Maybe she never stopped liking Hope, maybe you were someone she used to take her mind off of her._

Penelope wants to scream; how do these illogical thoughts seem so true in this moment. She turns around sharply, and far too fast. An unbearable pain shoots up through her back, making her let out a loud and involuntary grunt as she buckles over and falls onto her knees. Her left hand out in front of her stops her from planting onto the floor. She turns her head, hoping that they didn’t hear. 

“ _Penelope?”_ Hope questions, walking slowly towards her. Josie and Lizzie appear from the room, all equally confused. 

Penelope’s eyes instantly lock with Josie’s. She hates the concern in them, and she hates how it mends her heart and simultaneously breaks it. They hold eye contact for a beat. Penelope knows that Josie is always able to read her, that her eyes are a dead give away to what she just heard. Josie takes in a soft, sharp breath and she realises, and Penelope’s eyes fall to the floor in front of her. 

“ _What are you doing eavesdropping on our convo, Satan? And what are you doing on the floor?”_ Lizzie questions. Penelope is too hurt, physically and emotionally to say anything.

“ _Lizzie, don’t,”_ Josie walks tentatively over to Penelope, “ _are you okay?”_

Penelope hates how much she wants to fall into Josie’s arms. How much she _still_ loves her, after all she’s put her through. Josie can talk all she wants about how Penelope broke her heart, as if Josie didn’t break hers every single _time_ she left her for Lizzie, every time Penelope spent waiting up for a date that never happened because Josie was too busy being too selfless. Every time Josie put everyone _but_ Penelope before herself.

The pain she feels all over her body, inside and out is so excruciating she can’t even breathe. Tears are falling freely from her eyes, making a small puddle on the floor. She knows they can all see it, and she hates herself for looking so vulnerable. So, without a word she gets up. Her face scrunched up from the pain. They all look with worried eyes, even Lizzie, but Penelope doesn’t face them. 

“ _Goodbye,”_ is all she says before beginning to walk away. The three girls are left speechless, watching Penelope’s retreating figure use the wall for support as she makes her way back to her room at the end of the hall, and disappearing into it. 

“ _Do you think she heard?”_ Hope says, breaking the silence that is surrounding them. They all know the answer, so Lizzie and Hope turn to look at Josie, who is staring still at Penelope’s room door. 

“ _I should check up on her,”_ Josie says, not waiting for a response as she walks down the hall. She stops in front of the door, takes a deep breath and tentatively knocks twice on it. There’s no response. Josie contemplates using an unlocking spell, but she doesn’t want to make Penelope talk to her if she doesn’t want to, and right now it seems like she doesn’t want to. 

Josie is about to walk away when the door opens. Her heart drops at Penelope’s face, so full of pain and sadness that it makes her speechless. 

“ _I thought you were avoiding me,”_ Penelope says, it seems like that’s all she’s been saying to Josie lately. Josie opens and closes her mouth, unable to form a single sentence. 

 _“I-“_ Josie begins, but Penelope cuts her off.

 _“I know you know that I heard what you said. And I get it, it’s fine, really. If you only went for me because you were trying to get over Hope or you were trying to prove something to yourself then,”_ Penelope takes a shaky breath, willing herself to be strong _,” I’m glad I could help.”_  

“ _What? No it’s not like that I-“_ Penelope holds up her hand, making Josie stop. She closes her eyes and drops her strong façade. Her shoulders stoop and Josie’s heart breaks at how tired Penelope looks. 

“ _What’s it like then, Josie?_ ” Penelope says with a shake of her head,” _you kiss me one day and avoid me the next. Am I just someone you come to when you need validation for something? When you’re lonely? Why do you keep pulling if you know you’re not going to push? I know I broke your heart when we broke up, okay I know. But what you’re doing now, this whole thing? It’s breaking mine, and I just… I can’t do it anymore Josie. I know you know how I feel for you, how I have always felt for you. I would do anything for us, and you’d know that if you read the letter I wrote you, but I’m guessing you didn’t. So I’m just going to tell you straight. I love you Josie, I always have. Breaking up with you was the best and worst decision of my life. Best because I knew it’d push you to do what you wanted and seeing you be you is the only thing I could ever wish for, but it was the worst because I lost you. I’d do anything for you, anything to be with you. But we can’t keep doing this, dancing around each other, hurting each other. So tell me right now Josie, be honest with me. Do you love me? If you don’t anymore, or never did, just tell me and I’ll leave you alone, for real. Please, just tell me.”_

Josie stares at Penelope, speechless. Penelope’s eyes search Josie’s, begging for the tiniest confirmation that Josie still loves her, that they have a chance at redemption after everything that’s happened. It’s such a simple question, a simple yes or no could answer it. Yet Josie finds herself stuck. Of course she loves Penelope, but her heart is broken and her logic tells her to stop, to run and not into Penelope’s arms. She rarely speaks up for herself, but Penelope hopes that this time, this _one_ time, she might actually do what she never did when they were together, put Penelope first. 

She’s wrong though, because after a minute of silence and heavy staring, Penelope knows Josie won’t answer. So she sighs softly,  forces a tight lipped smile and nods, soaking in the reality of the situation. She gives Josie one last longing look, but really it’s one last chance. Josie still stares at her, wordlessly and Penelope feels the last bit of her heart break. She moves to close the door, but not before giving Josie a _look_ she’s never seen before.

 _“Goodbye, Josie,”_ Penelope disappears behind the shut door, and Josie stands there still, facing the hard wood. 

_Goodbye Josie_

 Her last words ring in Josie’s ear, and she knows that Penelope means it. She slides down onto her knees, her left hand coming up to touch the door. She lets her tears fall, and curses herself for not knowing what she wanted. No, she curses herself for not being able to work up the courage to go for what she _knows_ she _wants_. Now, it’s too late. Because Penelope is done with her and done with them. 

Penelope sits down on her bed and faces the door, which she knows Josie is still behind. She can see her shadow underneath it. Penelope can’t feel much of anything anymore. She thinks that she has no heart left to break. So she lies down on the bed, and closes her eyes. Tears fall from them, and onto her pillow with a soft, dull thud. Soon, she drifts off into a sleep.

 

* * *

 

The next morning, when she opens her bleary eyes, red from all the crying and lack of sleep, she still feels nothing. No emotional pain, no more aching in her heart. All she feels is emptiness. Penelope said goodbye to Josie last night. And now she can’t feel anything.

Penelope thinks she also said goodbye to herself.

 


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Surprise! I decided since you guys like it so much i'd write just a few more chapters. This one is mostly based on Josie, also kind of has a lot of dialogue because I find it easier to write about Penelope's feelings, also I find writing dialogue easier with Josie. Also this isn't that angsty. Next chapter will be based on Penelope and will bring that bitchin angst! Hope you guys like it, leave a kudos or a comment and I'll see you next time!

Josie spends the next day anxiously hanging around the school, hoping she’ll catch a glimpse of Penelope. Right now she’s in the kitchen, rummaging aimlessly through draws and cupboards to keep herself occupied. She closes the draw she’s already opened before for the tenth time, sighing to herself. She hasn’t seen Penelope all day and according to the students she’s asked, no one else has either. She wonders if Penelope ended up leaving the school for spring break. All these what ifs are driving Josie mad. A month ago, Penelope would’ve been everywhere Josie went, smirking at her or making comments left and right. She couldn’t escape Penelope even if she went to the farthest corners of the Earth, they always had a pull towards each other.  She spent all that time hoping Penelope would just disappear and not bother her, but now she finds herself wishing that she could still hope for that. 

Her mind is running rampant with thoughts of Penelope, and against her will she starts imagining Penelope walking through the kitchen doors right now. How she would be dressed as impeccable as she always is, even when no one is around to see it. Josie imagines the way Penelope would make a flirtatious comment, or better yet, talk to her like she used to. Then, as if the universe pitied her, someone walks through the doors. Josie rips herself out of her daydream and looks towards the person entering. It’s embarrassing how hopeful she looks, and it’s even more embarrassing because the person entering isn’t even Penelope, it’s Lizzie. 

 _“Not the person you were expecting?”_ Josie looks down at the floor. Hanging around the school has given her the chance to perhaps see Penelope, but it’s also allowed her to avoid Lizzie. They haven’t spoken about that night, Josie feels so ashamed she can’t bring herself to face her twin. She knows avoiding her is stupid and cowardly, but she doesn’t know what to say. Her mind tells her to avoid Lizzie until she can find a proper way to apologise, but Josie knows that’s a lie, she’ll never find the right words unless she faces Lizzie herself. She wrings her hands together, and looks everywhere but at Lizzie, who leans against the kitchen table in front of her. 

Josie fumbles over her words, she has half a mind to run out right now. But running is what got her into this mess in the first place. Running away from her responsibility to own up as the starter of the fire, running away from the fact she knew Hope never spread those rumours, running away from her _guilt._  She knows she needs to apologise to her twin, for all that she’s done. 

_No more running away._

_“I can’t begin to tell you how sorry I am, Liz,”_ Josie finally makes eye contact with Lizzie, who looks back at her with an unreadable expression. She doesn’t say anything, so Josie continues,” _I was so stupid to set that fire, to blame Hope for spreading those rumours when I know she didn’t. For ruining your relationship with her all these years. I’m so sorry I let you think she did those horrible things for this long. I was a terrible sister, and a coward for not owning up. I was so young then, and I know that it’s no excuse, I wasn’t thinking rationally. I freaked out over the note, and then the fire happened, and you had your first episode and everything was moving so fast I didn’t know what to do.”_

 _“Did you tell everyone that I’m bipolar?”_ Josie’s eyes widen. It hurts that Lizzie would even ask that question, but she understands why. Their trust is broken, and Josie hates herself for that.

“ _No, god no of course not,”_ she looks at Lizzie with pleading eyes, trying to convey her truthfulness, “ _I don’t know how everyone found out. I only told you that it was Hope saying those things, but I legitimately don’t know how it got around. Please, you have to believe me, I would’ve never done that to you.”_

 _“Why didn’t you just tell the truth?”_ There’s no judgement in Lizzie’s voice, she sounds only curious. Josie shakes her head slightly, unable to fathom what mind set she had. She has tried so hard to forget what she’s done, the memories of that day are supressed, and somewhere along the line she started to believe her false version of what happened.

“ _I genuinely have no idea. I was scared I guess. I inadvertently caused your first episode and because of that everyone found out, and they were so mean to you and you were so upset about it all the time. I didn’t want you to hate me, so I panicked and told you that Hope spread the rumour, so that you’d hate her and not me,“_ Josie looks down at her hands, the shame and guilt make it almost impossible to look Lizzie in the eye, “ _I was selfish too, the more I lied about what Hope did the more I convinced myself I could never like someone who said such things about you. I ruined your relationship with her, and I damaged your life. I’ve tried to supress the guilt I feel, but I think I’ve spent all this time trying to subconsciously make it up to you, I guess that’s why I drop everything when you need help.”_

 _“Josie…”_ The brunette shakes her head and lifts up a hand to stop Lizzie. Tears fall from Josie’s face as she looks Lizzie in the eye. She reaches over the table and takes hold of Lizzie’s hands, feeling internal relief when she doesn’t pull away.

“ _I know I’ll never be able to make up for what I did,”_ her lips tremble and her voice cracks, “ _but you have to know that I am so, so sorry Lizzie. I never should’ve let you find out like this, I should’ve been the one to tell you and I should’ve done it so long ago. You don’t have to say that it’s okay, or that you forgive me because I don’t know how you ever could.”_

Josie lets go of Lizzie’s hands and buries her face in her own hands, crying into them. She surprised when she feels Lizzie envelope her in a hug, it makes her cry even more. Finally apologising to Lizzie lifts a weight off her, but guilt over her actions just fills the place where the weight used to rest. They hug for a while, Lizzie hand rubs Josie’s back in comforting circles as Josie’s crying dies down. Josie sniffles and breaks the hug, looking at Lizzie. They stare at each other for a beat, and Josie’s eyes try to convey as much sincerity as they can.

“ _I’ll never do anything like this ever again, I am so sorry.”_ Lizzie gives her a small smile, closing her eyes for a second, as if to process all that Josie has said. She opens them again and lets out a breath of air, her body visibly relaxing.

“ _I know you are, and I accept your apology,”_ she places her hand on Josie’s shoulder, “ _what you did was terrible don’t get me wrong, but we were young, and you were scared. I can understand that. I’m not sure I can forgive you entirely, but this was a good first step. Thank you for apologising, better late than never right?”_ Her tone lightens at the end, and Josie lets a small smile grace her lips.

“ _Have you seen Hope? I really need to apologise to her too,”_ Lizzie shakes her head. 

“ _Not since last night, maybe try checking by the lake.”_ Josie nods and gives her twin a grateful smile. 

They fall into a comfortable silence, side by side they lean on the kitchen table. Josie feels lighter now, with every exhale of breath, she can feel the guilt she’s supressed for these three years leave her. Lizzie looks at Josie with a thoughtful expression. Josie can see it from her peripheral, and she hopes that Lizzie won’t ask about- 

“ _What happened between you and Penelope last night?”_

Josie feels herself seize up at the mention of Penelope’s name aloud. Her stomach drops, and she feels a lump in her throat. Josie lets out a sigh and shakes her head. The events of last night are burned into Josie’s mind, she ran over it the entire night. She could repeat word for word everything Penelope said, and everything Josie didn’t. 

“ _I have no idea,”_ Josie says, but they both know she’s lying. 

“ _Well, what did she say?”_ Josie gives her a quizzical look. 

“ _I’m surprised you even want to talk about her, considering you hate her.”_ Josie is deflecting, she doesn’t want to repeat what happened last night because she’ll be reminded of how Penelope admitted she still loves Josie. How she begged Josie to tell her that she loves her too, how Josie didn’t say anything, how she _broke_ Penelope’s heart.

“ _Don’t change the subject, I may not be her biggest fan but last night was something else, I’ve never seen her look so…”_ Lizzie pauses, trying to find the fitting word. “ _broken_. _I’m guessing she overheard our conversation._ ” Josie closes her eyes and takes a deep breath. She pushes herself off the bench and faces Lizzie. 

“ _She thought I used her to get over Hope, or to prove something to myself.”_ Josie feels a stab in her heart at the memory.

 _“What would you have to prove to yourself?”_  

“ _I don’t know, she didn’t elaborate on that,”_ it bothers Josie, not knowing that Penelope meant by that. And it bothers her even more to know she may never find out, because Penelope basically said she’s done with her. “ _She also said she couldn’t keep doing whatever it is that we’re doing.”_

“ _What are you doing, exactly?”_ Josie is at loss for words, she’s never allowed herself to think about it. It was easier for her that way, the less she thought their relationship now, the less she was reminded of their relationship _before._ She knows it’s selfish, to kiss Penelope then to avoid her and run off. But she doesn’t know how to deal with this, with her feelings for Penelope. She’s so torn, her heart and mind are in a civil war. When her heart takes over, she kisses Penelope and admits to herself that she’s still in love with her, but then her mind takes the reigns and she’s reminded of how Penelope broke her heart and she convinces herself that she _doesn’t_ love her anymore. Then her heart is in control again and the cycle repeats itself.

 _“I have no clue. During the whole slug thing she gave me a letter to read. I haven’t read it though, I told her I never would. I was so set on not giving in, but then I did and we kissed again in the barn.”_ Lizzie doesn’t even flinch at this revelation, and Josie raises an eyebrow, “ _ar-are you not surprised?”_

 _“No, not really,”_ she says nonchalantly with a shrug, “ _what else happened?”_

Josie looks bewildered, “ _uh… okay, then she told me she still loves me, and asked if I still love her.”_

 _“What did you say?”_ Josie looks down and fumbles with her fingers.

 _“I didn’t say anything,”_ her voice is quiet. Josie is taken by surprise when Lizzie punches her in the shoulder, “ _ow! What the hell was that for?!”_

 _“I’m sorry but are you kidding me?”_ Lizzie throws her hands up, “ _I did not spend months listening to you cry about her not loving you, only for her to say she still does and for you to say nothing!”_

 _“It wasn’t months…”_ Josie grumbles, rubbing her shoulder.

“ _Yes, it was,”_ Lizzie says with a pointed look, “ _why didn’t you say it? Isn’t this what you wanted?”_

 _“Yes! No, I don’t know,”_ Josie groans, she takes a second to gather her thoughts, trying to capture words that can explain how she feels. “ _She broke my heart Liz, I couldn’t just give it back to her after all that’s happened. When she asked me if I still love her I just froze, so many things ran through my head. How I still love her, but how I’m scared, how much she hurt me and how much I wish I could just get over her. Then I thought about how I felt when we kissed again, an- and all these thoughts clouded my head, I couldn’t say anything. I just stood there like an idiot.”_

Lizzie looks at her thoughtfully, “ _maybe you should talk to her now.”_ Josie shakes her head, her face defeated.

“ _It’s too late,”_ Lizzie gives her a confused look, silently asking her to explain, “ _she said that if I didn’t say it back, then she’d leave me alone. It was like she put her heart on a platter and I just smacked it right out of her hands. When she said good bye to me, it sounded like she was saying bye to us, everything we had, like she gave up. Even if I told her how I felt, I don’t think we’ll ever get back what we had. Last night was really the last straw for us.”_

Lizzie pushes herself off the counter and claps her hands, “ _well, you’ll never know unless you ask. Even if things don’t work out, at least she’ll know how you really feel. You should talk to her, say the things you couldn’t last night.”_

 _“If I didn’t know any better, I’d think you want us to get back together,”_ Josie says jokingly. Lizzie shrugs and moves to walk out of the kitchen. 

“ _As much as I hate her, she did make you happy, and she was good to you. I can see how much you love her, and I know you’ve been in so much pain lately. If this is what makes you happy then, who am I to take that away.”_ Lizzie says genuinely, she gives Josie a smile before playfully rolling her eyes, “ _besides, Mom told you not to kiss Penelope again and you did literally the second day we got back. If even mom can’t keep her away from you, I doubt I can.”_

With that, Lizzie leaves the kitchen and Josie alone with her thoughts. Lizzie is right, Josie knows she has to talk to Penelope. That’s difficult though, because Penelope is nowhere to be seen. Josie had even pressed her ear up against Penelope’s door earlier this morning, trying to her best to listen for any sign that the girl might be inside before she realised how much of a stalker she looked like. Last night’s events swarm her head again, she mentally kicks herself for not speaking up when Penelope needed her to. She doesn’t know how things got so messy between them, but she does know that it’s time they pick up a sweep and dust pan and start cleaning. 

First though, she makes her way down to the lake where surprisingly, Hope is sitting. Josie walks tentatively towards her, making sure her footsteps are heard. Her stomach drops when Hope turns to look at her. Finding out that Hope lost the only painting she made with her father in that fire devasted Josie, she cannot begin to imagine how it must’ve felt for Hope. She isn’t sure how she can make up for it either, so she decides an apology is a good start.

“ _Can I sit?”_ Hope gives her a silent nod. Josie carefully sits down next to hope, and they look out over the lake in silence for a few seconds, before Josie turns her head to look at Hope and opens her mouth to apologise. Before she can, Hope abruptly looks at her and holds up her hand. It reminds Josie of how Penelope did the exact thing last night, and she mentally scolds herself for thinking of Penelope when she should be thinking about Hope. 

“ _I know you’re going to apologise,”_ Hope says, her blue eyes piercing Josie’s brown, “ _but it’s okay. I get it, you were young and dumb, scared that your crush would find out you liked them. I know you didn’t mean to let the fire get out of hand.”_

 _“It’s not okay, you lost something so important because of me. Then I made Lizzie hate you, if it weren’t for me then maybe you wouldn’t have spent all this time alone.”_ She reaches out and touches Hope’s arm, “ _I am so sorry, Hope. I wish I could take back what happened, I’m so sorry I hurt you. I’ll do anything to make up for this, even though I know nothing I do can ever.”_

Hope stays silent, turning her head to look at the lake. Josie anxiously waits for Hope’s next words. They surprise her. 

“ _Penelope is in the library.”_ Josie is taken aback, Penelope is still at the school?

 _“I- what?”_ Hope gives her an amused smile. 

“ _Penelope is in the library,”_ she repeats, getting up and dusting her hands together. Josie follows suit and gets up as well. 

“ _But- What about us?”_ Hope merely shrugs.

“ _I’ll never get my painting back, or the years I spent alone,”_ her words make Josie grimace, “ _but thank you for apologising and clearing the air, I appreciate it. Maybe now we can start with a clean slate, all three of us.”_

 _“I would like nothing more,”_ they share a smile, before a slightly weird silence falls between them. They stand like that for a few seconds, before Hope speaks up again.

“ _Just to be clear, you don’t have a crush on me anymore, do you?”_ Josie lets out a laugh.

“ _Sorry to disappoint, but no, my heart currently belongs to- “_ Josie cuts herself off before she says Penelope’s name. 

 _“To a girl who’s currently in the library,”_ Hope finishes the sentence for her and Josie gives a tight-lipped nod. They stand again for a few seconds before Hope raises her eye brow, startling Josie when she speaks again. “ _What are you still doing here? Go to the library!”_

“ _Right yes- yeah the library,”_ she says, turning around to walk towards the library, but not before giving Hope one last look of gratitude, which she returns with a small smile. Josie spends the walk to the library outlining what she’ll say to Penelope, practicing every word and preparing for every possible response. She quickly finds herself outside the library doors. She inhales deeply, closing her eyes to mentally prepare herself to face Penelope.

She grips the handles for the door and pushes it open, only to be met by an empty library. Her eyes desperately search the room for any sign of Penelope. She walks briskly through the library, hoping she’s hidden away in one of the bookshelves. But she isn’t, and Josie finds herself scouting a painfully empty place. She sighs and slumps herself down on one of the chairs next to the table. She’s surprised to find that the seat is still warm, and Josie is certain this is where Penelope sat, she swears she can still smell her perfume. She finds it funny, that out of all the chairs in the library, she sat on the same one Penelope did. Josie had always thought that they were meant for each other, that they had a connection like no one else. Their love would always guide them back to each other, and sitting on this chair, Josie begins to tear up. Because her love brought her back to Penelope, to the very chair she sits on. It’s trivial, for Josie to cry over a _chair_ of all things, but she’s always believed in the universe controlling things. And right now, it’s almost like the universe is reminding Josie that she’ll _always_ find her way back to Penelope. So Josie gets up, she _has_ to find Penelope. 

She hopes it’s not too late to tell her how she feels, that it’s not too late for them to start working on their relationship again. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The apology parts were hard to write, i tried to find a balance between them accepting it but not saying it was fine and leaving it like that. Let me know what you think!


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi! Thank you for all your kind words! You're all motivating me to keep writing and that's why these chapters are coming quick :)) I hope you enjoy this chapter!

Penelope has made it a habit to walk around the school at night. She rarely comes out of her room during the day, she doesn’t want to run the risk of seeing Josie so soon after that night. She told Josie that she’d leave her alone, and she intends to do just that because she thinks that it’s what Josie wants. That’s why it confuses her when she sees Josie’s shadow under the door sometimes, it stays for a minute or so before it’s gone. She knows that Josie’s ear is pressed up against the door, listening for signs that Penelope is inside. She knows this because Josie use to do the same thing when they were dating. She makes sure that she doesn’t make noise when Josie is outside her door, but sometimes that proves to be difficult. Just yesterday Penelope found herself awkwardly half hanging off her bed. She was in the middle of trying to reach a book laying on the floor next to bed when she noticed Josie’s shadow underneath her door. She knew that if she made a movement, Josie would hear it because she is sure that Josie cast a sound enlarging spell. It doesn’t help that the school is practically empty, noises aren’t so hard to hear when your surrounded by silence.

Night time is when Penelope is most safe, she knows Josie falls asleep early and rarely wakes up in the night, so roaming around after curfew is her best bet. It’s been four days since Penelope said goodbye to Josie, and she knows since then the brunette has been scouring the school, hoping to catch her. On the rare occasions that Penelope does leave her room during the day, every student she happens by tells her that Josie’s been looking for her. She tells them to tell Josie that she’ll be in the library, when in reality she goes to the opposite end of the school because the library is the last place she wants to go now. The last time she went, she saw Hope leaving. They exchanged an awkward look before Penelope walked by her. Not even fifteen minutes later, she saw Josie speed walking across the school lawn towards the building she occupied. The mere _sight_ of Josie walking across the lawn was enough to make Penelope recoil. She cannot imagine how she’ll feel if she came face to face with her again. 

So Penelope opts to walk around the school at night time. At first she tried to avoid the places that Josie and her would go, but after realising that they went everywhere together she gave up. No matter how hard she tried to avoid thinking of Josie, every single detail of Salvatore brings back memories for Penelope, right down to the last nail in the floor board. Tonight is different though, her mind set has changed. She is sick of being angry at herself for not being able to let go, so she decides that it’s only natural to be upset, and that in time she’ll get over it. There is no point in forcing something when she knows it just won’t happen, because then she just hates herself when cries over her. Now, Penelope walks around the hallway, allowing memories of Josie to roam freely.

It hurts like a bitch though, and Penelope is constantly swallowing the lump in her throat as she walks quietly through the school. She thinks that the more she puts herself through the painful memories, the more likely she’ll become desensitized to them. She’s sure she has cried more in the past few days than in her entire life. Even their actual break up didn’t make her cry this much, because she had this _feeling_ that they’d come back to each other, when Josie was more independent and could go for what she wanted. That feeling is gone now, and Penelope knows that their relationship is truly history. She finds it ironic, that Josie’s silence was really her speaking. Penelope doesn’t think she’s ever heard a silence quiet so loud. 

She stops by the kitchen and takes a deep breath. Memories of how her and Josie running around throwing flour at each other while they tried to bake run through her head. Penelope unconsciously lets a smile grace her lips. 

_We were so happy._

A soft sigh falls from her mouth as she continues on. Her back still hurts, and she knows she should go to the nurse and get it fixed. But she doesn’t, because sometimes the pain is so unbearable that she forgets about Josie for a few seconds. Those brief moments where she doesn’t see the brunette in her mind are the highlights of her day. Penelope thinks that it’s sad, really, that she has to put herself through physical pain to forget Josie. Sometimes, in her dark moments, she wishes she never met Josie. That she never fell in love with her, that she never gave Josie her heart. Because then Josie wouldn’t have been able to break what she didn’t have. 

But she did, and that’s why Penelope roams the halls at night all alone with an ache in her back and a hole in her heart.

* * *

 Penelope finds herself outside the music room. She hasn’t been here for a long time, she’d only ever really go with Josie. They used to play side by side on the piano, making terrible sounding melodies for fun. On rare occasions, Penelope would learn Josie’s favourite song on piano and play it, convincing Josie to sing along. The memory pains Penelope. She closes her eyes and imagines one of those rare moments. She sees herself on the piano, looking in admiration at Josie, who looks back at Penelope with pure happiness. The room is beaming because of the sun that filters through the window, hitting Josie’s eyes and making them light up like fireworks. The memory feels so real, she can almost hear the piano. But then Penelope opens her eyes and her heart drops when, in an instant, she’s met by a cold moonlight lit _empty_ room. 

It’s another painful reminder that she’s all alone. 

She wills herself to take a step forward into the room. Her goal is to sit down and play the piano, without Josie. Penelope thinks that if she can do something that they use to do together, on her own, then it might make everything else seem a little easier. She swallows thickly and sits down; the chair is cold. She doesn’t remember it ever being so cold, it was never like this when she was with Josie. 

 _She was your warmth, that’s why you never noticed the cold._

Penelope flinches at the thought. She takes a deep breath and brushes it aside, lifting up the piano cover and bringing her hands into position over the keys. They’re shaking, and Penelope uses what strength she has left to try and keep them still. She’s not worried she’ll wake anyone, the music room is on the other side of the school, nowhere near the dorms. Penelope closes her eyes and pushes down on the keys, her hands easily flow from one note to another. It’s mostly muscle memory, that’s why she doesn’t realise what song she’s playing. Then it hits her, and her hands start to shake and her lips tremble. She continues though, because if she can get through something as painful as this then she’s convinced that everything else will be easier. She can’t see the keys properly anymore, because tears are blurring her vision. 

She’s playing the same song Josie surprised her with on their eight month anniversary. She remembers that day so clearly. Josie had pulled Penelope into the music room, and she can almost hear how giddy Josie sounded. She sat Penelope at the piano and placed sheet music for the song in front of her. 

“ _I don’t even know what song this is Josie!”_

_“Exactly! That’s the surprise!”_

Penelope quietly sings the words to the song, as tears stream down her face. She can hear Josie in her head, singing the same lyrics. Except in her head Josie sounds so happy and full of love, and in real life Penelope sounds so broken and full of _nothing._

“ _And I will give you everything baby_

_But can you feel this energy? Take it_

_You can have the best of me baby.”_

Penelope abruptly stops playing, the memory is too painful for her to sit through anymore. She desperately wipes away the tears falling from her eyes, catching herself in the blurred reflection of the piano. She absolutely despises how vulnerable she looks. Suddenly she finds herself so incredibly angry. She hates the broken mess that she’s become, crying alone in the music room. Penelope has never been good at handling her emotions, especially the bad ones. And she’s never experienced a hurt as intense as this. She can’t handle these feelings and doesn’t know how to deal with them. And that makes her hate herself so fucking much, for not being able to get over it. For not being able to just forget Josie and move on, be the stone-cold bitch that everyone thinks she is. 

_Stop fucking crying._

She angrily slams down the piano cover and gets up quickly, ready to storm out of the room. The pain in her back stops her though, like a cold bucket of water it pulls her from her angry stupor. She takes a deep breath, trying to calm herself down. Penelope counts to ten in her head and lets out a long exhale, as if she’s trying to breathe the pain out. It doesn’t work, but that’s no surprise to her. As she walks out of the music room, she begins to think that she achieved her goal. Making herself relieve that painful memory will make every other memory seem insignificant in terms of pain. Penelope thinks that she’s built a foundation to her recovery. 

But then she passes a window and looks out, seeing the tree that her and Josie use to have picnics under and the foundation crumbles as quickly as it was built. 

* * *

 Josie tosses and turns on her mattress. She can’t get to sleep tonight, and every minute that passes makes her more agitated. She looks at the clock beside her, reading 1:04 AM. Josie lets out a quiet groan and buries her face in her hands. She tries one more time, closing her eyes and relaxing her body, but to no avail. She knows there’s no way she’ll get to sleep if she lays here and keeps trying. Josie huffs and sits up, swinging her legs over the side of her bed. She tries to not make noise, so that she doesn’t wake Lizzie. As quietly as she can, Josie pulls a hoodie over herself. It’s Penelope’s hoodie, somehow Josie thinks that wearing it will help her relax more, because lately this seems like the closest she can get to Penelope. With a sigh Josie exits the room and enters the dorm hallway.

Her eyes immediately find Penelope’s room. It’s a force of habit, in the past whenever Josie couldn’t sleep she’d go to Penelope, who would hold her until she did. She can’t see a light from under the door, so she guesses that Penelope is sleeping. She walks softly down the hall way, thinking that she’ll wander the school until she feels tired enough to go to bed. It doesn’t matter than she’s breaking curfew, because there are barely any students left, so rules don’t really apply anymore. Her mind wanders back to the times when her and Penelope would break curfew, rummaging through the kitchen together or laying outside and looking at the stars. She hasn’t seen Penelope in days, despite everyone telling her that she’s in the library. She’s never there when Josie goes to look, and she’s realised that Penelope is only saying that. Still, Josie checks every time in the hopes that she’ll catch Penelope there. She never does. 

Josie walks all around the school before stopping, she leans against the door frame of a familiar room, the music room. She hasn’t been here for the longest time, it was a place she’d only go with Penelope. Josie thinks she might be going crazy, because she swears she can still smell Penelope’s perfume lingering in the room. She shakes her head, thinking that she’s only imagining Penelope’s scent because she desperately wants to see her again. Josie quietly sighs and pushes herself off the frame. Suddenly, Josie lets out a yawn and smiles. Walking around the school seems to have worked, so she starts to make her way back to her room hoping that she’ll be able to fall asleep after this 

Somewhere else in the school, Penelope decides that she’s had enough of reminiscing down Josie lane. She walks aimlessly back to her room while she allows her fingers to trail along the wall. She rounds the corner of the dorm hall. She isn’t thinking of much, her mind is solely focusing on how the wood feels beneath her fingers. That’s why she doesn’t hear the footsteps coming from the other end of the hall.

Josie is about to reach her door when she notices something moving in her peripherals. She spares a quick glance and stops dead in her tracks.

_Penelope?_

It’s dark, and Josie isn’t actually sure that it’s Penelope she’s seeing, or if it’s just someone who she wants to be Penelope. The figure is dragging their fingers across the wall, something she knows Penelope does when she’s lost in her thoughts. Josie walks closer, slowly. Penelope still hasn’t noticed her yet, and Josie wonders if she should call out to her or not. It doesn’t matter though, because suddenly Penelope turns her head and their eyes meet.

Penelope’s hand falls from the wall, hitting her thigh with a soft thud. They stand at opposite ends of the hall, staring at each other. Penelope is almost certain she’s imagining Josie there, and Josie thinks the same for Penelope. They don’t say anything, they just stand there. It feels like time has stopped around them, and Penelope isn’t even sure she’s breathing. Out of all the people she might have expected to run into, Josie was the last one. She thinks the universe is playing a sick trick on her. She hates how her mind instantly thinks about how cute Josie looks, standing there in an oversized hoodie. Penelope feels her stomach flip when she recognises it as _her_ hoodie.

Penelope feels like she’s stuck in a trance, she can’t seem to break their eye contact and deep down she isn’t even sure she wants to. She’s spent all these days avoiding Josie, trying to heal herself and giving Josie what she wanted. But standing in this hallway, facing the girl who broke her heart, she finds herself forgetting every bad thing that has happened between them. Then she sees Josie’s mouth open, as if she’s about to say something, and Penelope is ripped out of her trance. Penelope tears her eyes away from Josie’s as quickly as she found them and disappears into her room, leaving Josie alone in the hallway wondering if she really just saw her.

Josie stands rooted in her spot. This is the first time she’s seen Penelope in days, and she wasn’t even looking for her. Josie feels her heart do a flip when she thinks that this is another example of how they’ll always find each other again. She wonders if she should go to Penelope’s room and try to talk to her, but decides against it. It seems that they both caught each other off guard, and Josie thinks it’s best to wait until tomorrow to seek her out. Josie walks into her room, all traces of sleepiness gone. She hopes that tomorrow she’ll be able to talk to Penelope, or at least see her again.

Penelope closes the door and leans her back on it, exhaling heavily. She shuts her eyes and tries to stop her heart from beating so fast. Seeing Josie caught her off guard, and it brings a pang to her heart. She told Josie that she’d leave her alone, and she intends to uphold her word, that’s why she’s been avoiding her. At least, that’s what she tells herself. In her heart, she knows that that’s not why she’s been avoiding Josie. She knows that Josie wants to talk to her, and that makes Penelope even more angry.

_What could she possibly want to say to me? If she wanted to talk then she should’ve that night._

Penelope thinks that whatever Josie has to say now won’t matter, because it’s just too _late._  

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> yikes...I told you this chapter would bring the bitchin angst. Leave a comment and tell me what you think! Sorry that it was a bit short ):


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hi! Sorry it took longer than usual to update but I was stuck on ideas and had to think about it for a long time. I just wanted to say that it makes me really happy to know you guys are enjoying it so far, and I hope I can continue to write things that you guys like !! It really excites me when I see your comments, or even when I see twitter accounts posting my fic! So thank you guys for making me happy, writing is as fun for me as reading is for you! Anyway, I hope you enjoy this chapter and I'll see you soon! I love you all.

Penelope has given up on walking around only at night. After her encounter with Josie last night, it has become apparent that neither day or night is safe for her anymore. She knows that Josie will start walking around at night too, trying to catch Penelope again. She’s contemplated staying inside her room the rest of spring break, but she knows she’ll have to face Josie again during class or in the hallways once break is over. So, she concludes (after hours of debating with herself) that she should be mature about it and stop hiding. Penelope realises that avoiding Josie won’t make her heart hurt any less, because she sees Josie everywhere anyway, even if she’s not physically in front of her. 

That’s why Penelope finds herself in the library, she thinks that this is a sure-fire way to run into Josie since this is where Penelope always says she is. She aimlessly wanders the bookshelves, pulling out books and trying to read their blurb. None of the words stick in her mind though, because she’s busy thinking about when Josie will come through the doors. She hates how her heart races every time she hears footsteps outside, how she feels that little bit of disappointment when no one opens the door and the footsteps fade away. Penelope isn’t even sure why she cares about seeing Josie, she is the one avoiding her after all. She convinces herself that it’s for a good cause, that seeing Josie and being around her is the best, albeit painful, way to heal. In her mind, if she sees Josie on the regular, then maybe one day she’ll find the pain no longer present and she will have moved on. Avoiding her will only make it hurt more when she inevitably runs into her. Deep down though, she knows she misses Josie. How can she not?

Penelope sometimes finds herself wishing they could go back to how they use to be, back when they were dating. But then she thinks about how Josie would still be at everyone’s beck and call, how she wouldn’t be own person. It reminds her of the reason she broke up with Josie in the first place, and despite it all, she’d do it again. Penelope knows that she’d take the immense heart break she’s feeling over getting back together with Josie any day, if that meant Josie would become her own person and go for what she wants. It just never had occurred to Penelope that she might not have been what Josie wants, or ever wanted. 

It hurts to think that way, and it’s damaging to say the least, but Penelope can’t help it. She’s in that stage of heartbreak where even the most illogical thoughts seem logical. Penelope isn’t so sure of herself anymore, she thinks that she can’t trust even her own thoughts. To make matters worse, she has no one to talk to. No one to help make sense of it all. Her first thought is to go to M.G, but he’s Josie’s best friend and Penelope thinks that somehow that crosses him off as a candidate. Then she realises that he was really the _only_ candidate. She’s spent the last few days thinking that she’s been avoiding Josie and everyone else. Now, her thoughts are making it abundantly clear that she’s been avoiding only Josie, there is no one else to avoid because she doesn’t _have_ anyone else. 

Penelope sighs and returns another book to the shelf, she barely remembers even picking it up to begin with. She wonders if she should just seek Josie out instead of waiting in anticipation to run into her, like ripping a band aid off. She doesn’t though, because she told Josie that she’d leave her alone, and seeking her out is the exact opposite of that. Penelope would rather just run into her randomly, despite how stressful the anticipation is. She isn’t even sure what she is going to say when she sees Josie, or if she should hear out what Josie has to say. The fact she doesn’t have a clue what Josie could want to talk to her about terrifies her. There’re endless possibilities, and Penelope drives herself crazy with scenarios. She thinks there’s no possible way that her heart could break any further, but if there’s anyone who _could_ make it break more, it’d be Josie. She doesn’t want to risk it, so she stays in the library, hoping that Josie shows up while simultaneous hoping she doesn’t. She’s starting to get sick of always being in conflict with herself. 

Footsteps snap her out of her thoughts, and before she can process anything else, the door to the library is opening and in steps Hope. Penelope’s body deflates as she lets out a sigh, she isn’t sure if she’s relieved or disappointed. Their eyes meet, and for a second none of them do anything. Penelope doesn’t want to make this weirder than it already is, and she’d rather not get into a fight with the tribrid, her back ache is clear cut reason why she doesn’t. So she gives a short, tight lipped smile and acknowledges her with a nod of her head. 

“ _Mikaelson.”_ Hope looks surprised at the greeting. 

“ _Park.”_ Penelope turns back to the book shelf, pulling out a random one and opening it to the middle, pretending to read it in order to escape the incredibly awkward atmosphere in the room. From the corner of her eye she sees Hope moving closer to her, idly playing with the chair at the table behind Penelope. She has no reason to be angry at Hope, aside from her inflicting an incredibly painful injury on Penelope. Even then, she did it for the greater good. Still, Penelope feels a petty jealousy at the fact Josie had a crush on her. Hope seems to have that on her mind too, because she reengages Penelope in conversation.

“ _Listen, about the crush Josie had- “_ Penelope turns her head and holds up her hand, stopping Hope from continuing. 

“ _You don’t have to explain yourself, or Josie for that matter,”_ Penelope tries her best to make her voice sound indifferent, “ _whoever Josie crushes on isn’t any of my business.”_

 _“Crushed, past tense,”_ Hope corrects, emphasising her words, “ _she had that crush on me when she was twelve or something.”_

Penelope hates the way her heart feels lighter, she can’t help but feel slightly happy to know Josie had that crush a long time ago. Still, she knows she shouldn’t care, and she wants Hope to know that she doesn’t. 

“ _So? It doesn’t matter to me, I don’t get why you’re telling me this.”_ Hope raises her eye brow, she looks like she wants to say something, but decides against it. She just shrugs instead. 

“ _I just thought you should know, in case there was any confusion.”_ Penelope gives her a blank look. 

 _“There isn’t.”_ She says bluntly, turning her head back to her book pretending to be invested in it. The book isn’t even in English, she prays that Hope can’t see that. From her peripherals she sees Hope studying her, looking thoughtfully. She makes no move to leave the room or walk away even though Penelope ended their conversation. Instead, she speaks up again. 

“ _She’s looking for you, you know.”_ Penelope’s patience is running thin. She can tell that Hope wants to say something but is using small talk to build up to it. She doesn’t look up from her book. 

“ _So I’ve been told.”_ She turns the page of her book, studying what appears to be a dead goat. She wishes she picked a better book to pretend to read. 

“ _Have you spoken to her?”_ Penelope resists the urge to let out a big sigh.

“ _You’re invested in my life because…?”_ Hope’s lips turn up in a slightly amused smile. 

“ _Josie’s been moping around the entire week, she’s asked me about one hundred times a day if I’ve seen you,”_ Penelope’s stomach flips, “ _I’m getting tired of it, if you talk to her then she’ll stop asking me.”_

“ _There’s nothing to talk about.”_ Penelope says with a light shrug, her eyes never leaving the book. 

“ _You and I both know that’s not true.”_ Hope’s tone is serious, and Penelope stiffens up a little but doesn’t try to prove her wrong. She stays silent, while Hope continues, “ _I don’t know what happened between you guys, but I do know that Josie is trying really hard to fix it. Why won’t you give her the chance to?”_

Penelope almost laughs out loud. “ _I already gave her the chance, I’ve given her so many”_ she says bitterly, _“I even tried to fix it first. But I couldn’t fix what Josie kept breaking.”_ She doesn’t know why she’s telling Hope this, maybe it’s because her thoughts are desperate to escape the loneliness inside her head.

 _“From what I recall, you broke her heart first,”_ this time Penelope does let out a laugh. It’s full of hurt and spite, and she shakes her head in a sad amusement.

“ _I broke her heart once during the break up, while she broke mine a hundred before and after.”_

Penelope’s eyes never leave the book, and she realises she’s been staring at the same paragraph for longer than it takes to read the actual page. But they both know she’s not focused on the words she can’t understand. She can feel irritation bubbling inside her, she doesn’t know why Hope wants to talk about something that doesn’t concern her.

“ _Why did you break up with her?”_ Hope’s words surprise Penelope, and she’s caught off guard for a second.

“ _Wow Mikaelson, straight for the jugular I see.”_ There’s no amusement in her words, only pain. Hope doesn’t say anything, and Penelope can see her looking at her with expectancy. She rolls her eyes and spares a quick glance to Hope, “ _it’s hard to explain.”_

Hope doesn’t buy it, and only shrugs. “ _I’m smart.”_  

Penelope sighs and looks up from her book. Her brain tells her to not say anything, that she can’t trust Hope and shouldn’t open up to her, that she can handle the pain alone and doesn’t need anyone to help her. But then, as if something has possessed her, words are coming out of her mouth faster than her logic can tell her to shut up.

 _“She never had time for us,”_ Penelope says with a slight shrug, “ _it was always Lizzie first. There were so many perfect moments ruined because Lizzie needed Josie for something that was far less than important, and Josie never said no. Even if we were in the middle of a date, if Lizzie needed help finding an earring Josie wouldn’t even hesitate to be there for her. She was never there for me like she was for Lizzie. And I get that she’s her sister and I never wanted her to choose between us, but I was her girlfriend! It was like I only ever got her in her free time, while she was out there freeing her time for Lizzie, and anyone else for that matter. I didn’t want to wait around for moments where she acknowledge me as her girlfriend.”_

 _“Did you ever tell her how you felt?”_ Penelope smiles sadly, looking down again at her book. She tries to make her voice seem nonchalant, as if she was telling a story about her weekend. It doesn’t work, pain slips through her words.

“ _Many times, that was the topic of almost all our fights. She thought I was trying to make her choose between Lizzie and I, which I wasn’t. She was so adamant on being there for Lizzie, so much so that she barely had time for herself. I guess that’s what made me realise I had to end it. When she wasn’t with Lizzie, she was with me. As much as it hurt to leave Josie, she barely had time to give to me, which means she had none to give to herself. It was either be selfish and demand her time or be selfless and give let her have her own._

Hope is looking at Penelope with a look that she can’t decipher, and it’s making her nervous. Her nerves turn into slight anger, a defence mechanism. She doesn’t like how Hope seems to know more about Penelope than she does, it’s scaring her. She doesn’t want to seem weak either, because she _knows_ right now she is, that’s why it’s so important that no one else can know. 

“ _You should talk to her.”_ Penelope tries extremely hard not to snap at Hope, tell her to fuck off and mind her own business. She bites her tongue, she doesn’t feel like being sent through a window today. 

“ _Why do you care if I talk to her or not?”_ She spits out, with more bitterness than intended.

“ _Josie is hurting.”_ That is the last straw for Penelope. She slams her book shut and whirls to face Hope, staring her dead in the eye. Hope stands straight and folds her arm across her chest. 

“ _And how do you think I feel?”_ Hope looks taken aback, but Penelope doesn’t give her the chance to say anything, “ _she isn’t the only one who’s heartbroken. Do you think it was easy for me to break up with Josie? To leave the one person I ever truly loved? To try and make her hate me so that she’d stop thinking about me so she could make room to think about herself? I cried so many nights for her, and I still do! My back still fucking kills from when you threw me into that beam, but I never got it fixed because the pain distracts me from thinking about her.”_ Hope is speechless, her face shows pure surprise. Penelope’s mind screams at her to stop, but she only bitterly shakes her head and looks down, speaking quietly now.

_“Josie is lucky, she has you and she has Lizzie and M.G to talk about her feelings with, she doesn’t have to go through it alone. I do. Josie was the only person I had and she couldn’t even be there for me half the time. Now, I don’t even have those brief moments where I didn’t feel lonely, I don’t have her anymore.”_

“ _If being without her hurts you so much, why don’t you just be with her?”_ Penelope looks at Hope incredulously. She lets out a scoff, as if she’s unable to believe the words that just came out of Hope’s mouth. The simplicity that Hope says it with pisses her off. 

“ _Because she doesn’t want to be with me!”_

 _“How do you know that? You won’t even talk to her.”_ Penelope is two seconds away from sending Hope flying into a bookshelf.

 _“She kissed me, twice, and ran off – twice. You saw the note I gave her, and you saw how she shut it down. How can you tell me to give her a chance to fix things when you witnessed me trying to fix things myself, only for her to throw it back in my face. It takes two to make a relationship work, and I tried and tried to make it work. I told her I love her a few days ago for god sake! And she said nothing! Does that make it seem like she wants me back to you?”_

The look on Hope’s face tells Penelope that Josie didn’t tell the tribrid about their talk. Penelope tries to even out her breathing, and her eyes drop to the floor. She didn’t mean to get so worked up, but she hates how everyone paints her the bad guy. It’s justified, she did break up with Josie out of the blue and was an asshole to Lizzie, but she wishes that someone could see it from her perspective. She doubts Hope will though, because Hope is Josie’s friend, and Penelope is alone. They don’t say anything for a few seconds, Hope is eyeing Penelope thoughtfully, while Penelope looks at the floor. 

 _“She still loves you.”_ Penelope’s eyes snap up and meet Hopes. She can’t take this anymore, she shoves the book back into the place she found it and makes a move to walk away. She stops when Hope grabs her arm. They don’t look at each other, and Penelope doesn’t try to break free. “ _You caught her off guard, maybe she didn’t answer because she didn’t have time to think.”_

Penelope lets out a small bitter laugh, she pulls her arm out of Hope’s grip, but doesn’t walk away. Instead, she turns her head and looks at Hope, and the latter is surprised at the tears glistening in them.

“ _That's what you don't understand,_ _I didn’t have to think about it. And If she really still loves me like you say she does, she wouldn’t have had to either.”_

With that, Penelope walks off and leaves the library. She makes a beeline straight for her room, deciding that she doesn’t want to see Josie today after all. 

* * *

 

The next morning, Penelope walks towards the dining hall. Her conversation with Hope still lingers in her mind, she regrets how much she spilled to Hope, but she has to admit she feels lighter now. Despite thinking it was best to see Josie yesterday, her talk with Hope yesterday set her back, and now she isn’t sure she’s ready like she thought she was. She didn’t leave her room after her encounter with Hope, she hasn’t eaten since yesterday morning. She thinks she might actually die if she doesn’t eat something, so she puts aside her fear of running into Josie and tells herself that she’ll eat quickly and go back to her room. Her mind distracts her enough that she doesn’t notice the three girls sitting at one of the tables, watching her. 

Penelope grabs a plate and puts some toast and egg on it. Despite not eating for almost twenty-four hours, Penelope doesn’t have much of an appetite. She grabs an apple for later and makes her way to the tables. She freezes in her tracks when she sees Hope, Josie, and Lizzie all staring at her. It surprises her so much that she almost drops her plate. She doesn’t know why she thought that Josie wouldn’t be here, she knows that Josie eats here every morning. Penelope mentally curses herself for slipping up while she stands awkwardly. Despite her surprise at Josie being in front of her, It’s even more surprising that Lizzie and Hope are sitting together. The last she checked, Lizzie hated Hope. 

Josie had watched Penelope enter the hall, her heart sank when Penelope didn’t acknowledge any of them, but judging from the look on her face at the moment, Josie thinks that Penelope really didn’t know they were there. None of them say anything, the tension in the room is so thick you could cut it with a knife. Hope surprises everyone when she speaks to Penelope.

“ _Would you like to sit with us?”_ Penelope shifts uncomfortably in her spot. They are sitting at a four seat table, with the only free spot being next to Josie. They’re all looking at her, she’s been standing there too long to be able to say no, if she does it’ll just be awkward for everyone and Penelope can’t think of a good enough excuse. She has to make a split-second decision. She knows that she had wanted to run into Josie before, and right now that is literally that she is doing. But she also knows that after yesterday, she changed her mind and decided to wait a little longer to see Josie. Somewhere deep down she knows that she’ll always make excuses to avoid Josie.

 _If not now, then when?_  

She thinks this is the universe telling her to stop being a little bitch and face Josie, whether she likes it or not. So she takes a deep breath and walks over to their table, placing her plate down carefully and sitting next to Josie. 

Josie tries her best to still her beating heart, distracting herself by playing with the cereal in front of her. She doesn’t like cereal, especially now that it’s gone soggy. She was too distracted by her thoughts about seeing Penelope last night that she wasn’t thinking when she grabbed her breakfast.  The table is incredibly awkward, and Penelope forces herself to eat her eggs so that she doesn’t cringe at the situation. She doesn’t know why Hope thought this would be a good idea. Josie can smell Penelope’s perfume, and it takes everything in her not to lean closer to Penelope. Her smell always comforted Josie. 

After a few more moments of awkward glances between all four of them, Lizzie speaks up. 

 _“Well! I am full,”_ she says with a smile, turning to look at Hope, “ _we should go, we have that… Thing to do with the thing and the other thing, right?”_

Hope gives her a weird look, before her eyes widen in realisation and she nods one too many times to make it seem convincing, “ _oh yeah, yep, that thing yes okay well! We should go, catch you two later.”_ They don’t give Penelope and Josie a chance to reply before they abruptly stand up and practically sprint out of the dining hall. 

The pair watch them leave, and once their out of sight Josie’s eyes drop to her cereal again. She can sense how awkward and uncomfortable Penelope is, and that makes Josie’s heart hurt. They never use to be like this, it saddens her to see what they have been reduced to. She wants to talk to Penelope, but right now doesn’t seem like a good time. It never seems like a good time, and Josie is starting to wonder when it will. 

 _“You don’t have to stay here if you don’t want to,”_ Josie says quietly, continuing to push around her soggy cereal. Her words hurt Penelope a little, it seems like Josie thinks Penelope hates her. It makes her feel a little guilty, because that’s not what she intended. The last few weeks have been a whirlwind of emotions and events, Penelope is only now starting to wrap her head around everything that’s happened. She wonders if they’ll always be like this, and she realises she doesn’t like the idea of being so reserved. Especially not with someone like Josie, who use to be the only person Penelope could be care free around.

Josie sees Penelope turn her head and look at her for a few seconds. Then, Penelope pushes out of her seat and stands up, walking away. Josie can’t say she’s surprised, but she can’t say it doesn’t kill her inside either. She hates how Penelope can’t even bare to be in the same room as her. She glumly sighs into her cereal, trying her best not to cry. Then, out of nowhere, a shadow forms over the table and suddenly a plate of eggs, toast, and some bacon is placed in front of her bowl. She looks up and, much to her surprise, sees Penelope standing with a small smile. 

“ _You don’t like cereal, especially when it’s soggy.”_ Josie is speechless for a second, but then a smile graces her lips. 

“ _Thank you,”_ Penelope nods and goes to sit next to Josie. She doesn’t know why she didn’t leave, and why she even got Josie a plate. It feels like instinct, and Penelope starts to think that maybe being friends with Josie might not be so bad. She doesn’t have to be her girlfriend to care about her. As much as it hurts, she thinks that she’d rather have Josie as a friend than nothing. After all, she knows that they have to have a _certain_ conversation sooner or later. Perhaps it may be better to establish a friendship, so that their talk isn’t overrun by anger and pent up emotions. A smile forms on her lips at the thought, and Penelope thinks she might be making actual progress at healing. Seeing her wasn’t so bad, and if she can sit next to her, then she must be healing okay. 

They eat the rest of their meals in silence, stealing quick glances at one another, the small smile never leaving their faces. When they’re done, they go to put their dishes in the tub designated to dirty dishes. They walk side by side to the door of the dining room. They dwell there for a second, before Penelope turns to face Josie. 

“ _See you later, Josie._ _”_ She says, with a small smile before walking out and down the hall.

Josie doesn’t think she’s ever felt so relieved in her life.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What a nice ending! i hope that wasn't too jumpy. When I write I try to base it off what I would do in real life situations, so Penelope jumping back and forth between wanting to see Josie and then not etc kind of shows indecisiveness? AHAH what i'm trying to say is that I want to make the characters as real as possible, in terms of emotions and thoughts and the way they behave because really they're just teenagers, they don't have it all figured out and they're going to change their minds a lot. I don't know if that makes sense but I hope you liked this chapter! Leave a comment or a kudos if you did it'll be a great birthday present for me hehe its currently 11:40 pm and in 20 minutes I turn 18! Have a great week and stay safe! <3


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi I'm back! Sorry for the long wait university has been kicking my ass and I've been so busy. I hope you're all doing well and are happy and thriving in life! @scftadora this one is for you girl, thanks for being a crazy good person! I hope you like it! Leave a comment or kudos if you enjoyed it! See you guys next time.

It’s the last day of spring break. Penelope and Josie haven’t seen much of each other since they ate breakfast together. Josie has been preoccupied spending time with Lizzie and Hope, trying to mend the relationship between all three of them. With all of her fellow witches gone for the break, Penelope spends most of her time alone, browsing the library or laying outside under the tree that her and Josie use to have picnics under. Sometimes they cross each other, but Josie is always with either Lizzie or Hope, seeing the latter sparks a small jealous tingle inside Penelope that she wishes would go away. They barely talk, exchanging small smiles before they walk away, neither of them noticing how hard it is for the other to not keep staring as they go opposite directions.

Penelope is currently slumped against the tree that she frequents daily, with a half-way opened book resting page-side down on her chest. Penelope has always loved the sound of nature, how calming it is. Her eyes are closed, and she’s listening to the sound of the soft wind and the leaves brushing against each other. She tries not to think about how the only sounds she used to hear when she was here were Josie’s voice, or her laugh. She can’t help but feel a little empty, with the big space next to her, where Josie use to be. The weight of the book on her chest suddenly becomes more noticeable and Penelope tries her best, to no avail, to not pretend that it’s Josie’s head on her chest. Images flood her brain, and she pictures how Josie would snuggle into the crook of her neck, and how Penelope would feel like she never wanted to leave that moment. 

She opens her eyes and sighs, pushing it off her chest. Even with the weight off, Penelope still feels heavy. She lifts her hand, and all the leaves that are dispersed on the ground around her levitate. Then she waves it, and the leaves start to move, dancing delicately in the air. She closes her eyes once again, listening the leaves swirl around her. The sun is bringing warmth to Penelope’s face, in that moment she realises how cold she’d been feeling lately. She hears the sound of footsteps in the distance but doesn’t pay attention to it, students are beginning to return to school in order to attend the end of spring break party.

Students coming back means that the rest of the witches are heading back too, and Penelope will once again have to put up with socialising with them. It’s a good thing though, Penelope thinks that the quiet is suffocating her, she’d rather listen to mindless gossip than listen to the voices in her head. She can hear footsteps coming closer to her, and she knows that it’s probably one of the witches who spotted her coming to talk to her. Her faces scrunches when the warmth from the sun suddenly becomes absent. She sighs softly, waving her hand haphazardly so the leaves are suspended where they are. She opens her eyes, ready to expel a snarky comment at whoever is interrupting her alone time. Her words fall short though, and her breath catches as she stares up at Josie. 

She doesn’t know what their dynamic will be now, after everything that’s happened. Penelope isn’t sure how to act around Josie, if she should go back to the same witty, snarky girl from before or if she should take the gentler, friendlier approach, the one she used when they were dating. She’s never had to _try_ to be friends with Josie before, from the moment they met it was smooth lines and shy glances that grew into deep conversations and loving stares. It’s never been small talk, she’s never had to think about what to say next. Now, everything is different, and Penelope wonders if over time, their conversations will get shorter and shorter and eventually they’ll just be another story in each other’s past. She tries to push back the thought that tells her she doesn’t want that, the thought that tells her she wants to be Josie’s future, not her past. 

 _“Hi.”_ Josie breathes, fingers playing together nervously. Josie had spotted Penelope sitting under the (their) tree ten minutes ago and had spent the entire ten minutes trying to work up the courage to go over to her. Now that she is here, Josie begins to regret coming up because she feels insanely awkward. _The grass looks greener today_ she thinks, not looking up from it. Penelope can’t help the smile that smile that falls on her lips. The sun is framing Josie in a way that makes her glow, and she’s looking shyly down at the floor, the tip of her right shoe playing with the grass. She’s wearing a pleated black skirt and one of her light sweaters, Penelope thinks that she looks pure. 

 _“Hi.”_ Josie looks up, her face showing a mix of relief and delight. Penelope’s heart strings dance a little. There’s a beat of silence, and they both avoid eye contact for a second. Then, Penelope decides that Josie isn’t confident enough to lead their conversation, so she does it for her. _“Would you like to sit?”_

Josie looks at her with surprise, Penelope only smiles back and gestures to the empty spot next to her. Josie wordlessly tucks her skirt under the bottom and sits down on it. They’re sitting a respectable distance apart, and Josie desperately tries to fight the itch that makes her want to sit right next to Penelope. 

 _Or in her lap._ Josie shakes the thought from her mind, a light blush forming on her cheek. 

They sit together, neither of them says anything. Penelope waves her hand, and the leaves suspended in the air begin to dance again. It’s comfortable, but Josie can’t help but feel upset at the fact that there’s a silence between them. It never used to be like this, they can hear all their surroundings when in the past, sounds of laughter and loving voices blocked out everything. Josie opens her mouth to say something, _anything,_ but the twisting in her stomach and the lump in her throat from nerves makes it impossible to form words.

Penelope glances at Josie, and she’s amused to find Josie’s face fixed with both concentration and awkwardness. She knows Josie is racking her brain to try and start a conversation, this is exactly how she used to look in the early days of them knowing each other. Penelope recalls how Josie, on a whim, would abruptly stop Penelope in the halls in what she assumed was a sudden burst of confidence. Then the confidence would drain, and Josie would look exactly like how she looks right now, a speechless mess.

After a few more seconds of Josie in pure awkward distress, Penelope playfully rolls her eyes and decides to put Josie out of her misery. 

 _“Are you going to the party tonight?”_ Josie’s head snaps, embarrassingly fast, towards Penelope at the sound at her voice. She mentally kicks herself for not thinking of that question herself.

“ _I- Yes?”_ Penelope quirks an eyebrow, amusement laced in her voice. 

 _"You sound unsure,”_ Josie lets out a small laugh, letting her eyes close for a second. The atmosphere between them is lighter, and slowly they feel themselves slipping back into familiarity. 

“ _You know parties aren’t really my thing,”_ Penelope nods at the statement, and Josie hesitates for a second. She almost adds that she only ever went with Penelope. Now that they aren’t together Josie can just envision herself awkwardly standing in the middle of the party, just like she did whenever Lizzie dragged her to a party after the break up. 

“ _If you’re going then I’m guessing Lizzie and Hope,”_ Josie wonders if she imagines a slight bite to Penelope’s voice when she speaks the redheads name, “ _will be going?”_  

“ _Just Lizzie, Hope isn’t really the party type. I should’ve agreed to spend the night with her instead.”_ Josie jokes lightly. Penelope’s insides burn with an unwanted jealousy. Josie is surprised when Penelope’s delicate features shift into a slight frown. 

“ _You shouldn’t go if you don’t want to, you don’t always have to say yes.”_ Penelope says almost sternly. Josie feels a slight panic raid her body, knowing that they are heading towards a sensitive topic. She feels a frantic need to shift the conversation away. 

“ _I know, but I thought if I went that would give me a chance to finally see you for more than three seconds.”_ Her words come out like word vomit, and she immediately looks down at the ground, her fingers toying with the soft grass beneath her while butterflies’ riot in her stomach. Penelope lets out a soft laugh, the sound is sweet to Josie’s ears. 

“ _So you decided to go just because you’d see me there?”_ Penelope can’t seem to figure Josie out, one moment she’s avoiding her like the plague and the next she’s seeking her out like a lost treasure. Penelope thinks back to Hope’s words in the library. _She still loves you._ Penelope feels her stomach churn. 

“ _Maybe,”_ Josie says with a shy, humoured smile, “ _I’m guessing that means you’re going too?”_

 _“Well, since I know that Lizzie leaves you alone at every party after the first three minutes,”_ Josie’s heart flips at the idea that Penelope still noticed, even after their breakup. “ _I think I should go to make sure you aren’t alone.”_

“ _You’d do that for me?”_ Josie looks surprised. After all, they didn’t leave things so well. And despite their friendly demeanour now, Josie is well aware of the fact that they haven’t spoken about what happened between them, they just brushed a seemingly permanent issue under the rug in favour of temporary comfort. She wants to mend their relationship, beyond just a friendship, but she doesn’t know where to begin. It feels like Penelope is already moving on, past the heart break and settling for _friends._ The idea of being just friends with Penelope makes her stomach churn. She doesn’t want to be – she _can’t be –_ just friends with someone she loved so much.

Josie Saltzman loved Penelope Park.

Except, that’s not true. It shatters her heart to know it took Penelope giving up on them for Josie to finally admit to herself the truth.

Because the truth is, Josie Saltzman is _still_ in love with Penelope Park.

“ _Of course,”_ Josie feels hope swell up in her chest. Maybe, just _maybe_ Penelope feels the same way.

Josie feels a slight tingle on the side of her head, and she realises that a leaf has tangled itself in it, but before she can react Penelope’s hand is already moving.  Brown eyes lock onto green ones, and suddenly time feels like its stopped. Josie feels her heart skip a beat and Penelope feels her breath catch. Her hand delicately grabs the leaf, but she makes no movement to pull away. Penelope’s eyes flicker between Josie’s, it’s incredibly hard to look away. It feels like they’ve suddenly been trapped in a bubble, and it’s getting increasingly hard to breathe. They both become hyperaware of the small distance between them, and it’s indescribably hard to keep their eyes from glancing at each other’s lips. It feels like a moment frozen in time, and now they are leaning into each other and _oh god_ they can’t think clearly, and they don’t want to. Their brains are a putty messy and coherent thoughts seem like a terrible option at the moment.

Then, a bird nestling in a branch above them expels a particularly loud and ugly squawk, and just like that time starts again and the moment is broken. Penelope pulls back, taking the leaf with her before letting it go dance in the wind again. She clears her throat, and gives Josie a half smile. “ _That’s what friends do for each other.”_

And just like that, Josie feels the hope disintegrate into a bitter pile of ash inside of her.

_Friends._

Josie forces a smile that doesn’t quite reach her eyes, but Penelope can’t see that because Josie quickly turns away and looks ahead. An uncomfortable silence falls between them, and Penelope is wracking her brain trying to figure out what that moment meant, for both of them. She’s beginning to think being friends might not be an option, maybe they’re doomed to have moments and then awkwardness until they don’t have anything anymore.

They sit together for a few more minutes, stealing quick glances at each other, before a group of witches by the school entrance spot Penelope and call her over. Penelope obliges, standing up and brushing off the grass from her skirt, shooting Josie a tentative smile.

“ _See you tonight?”_ Josie breathes out in silent relief, glad that their moment hadn’t scared Penelope off. She nods, returning the smile, albeit more sadly.

“ _See you tonight.”_

* * *

 

Josie is sitting on her desk while she puts on the last touches on her light make up. She glances one more time in her hand-held mirror before setting it gently down. Her eye catches a familiar red seal, on a familiar _unopened_ letter. It stares at her, and Josie swallows thickly. She still hasn’t read it, and she wonders if it’s even worth it anymore. Penelope had already told her the gist of the letter, and just hearing it being paraphrased had Josie weak in the knees. She cannot imagine how she’d feel reading the letter now, especially knowing that Penelope has given up on them. She knows she should read it, she knows that if she had just read it earlier than maybe things would be different.

But they aren’t, and Josie is going to this party alone to meet her _friend_ Penelope. Her friend, who she is still in love with, and who she’ll probably never get the chance to be with again. 

 _Great._  

Josie doesn’t feel like bawling and ruining her make up right before the party, so she looks away from the letter and decides that she’ll read it tonight when she inevitably comes back from the party early.

* * *

Penelope isn’t one to show up early to parties, she doesn’t think they’re fun until everyone is a little drunk and that doesn’t happen until an hour or so into the party. She knows Josie won’t show up early either, because Lizzie likes to make a late entrance and Josie isn’t one to go alone. She hums a quite tune to herself on her way back from the showers, the warmth she felt from the water still enveloping her skin like a hug. She rounds the corner distractedly, barely catching herself before she almost slams into someone. She stumbles back a bit, mouth open ready to either apologise or expel a snarky comment depending on who it is. When her eyes register the person in front of her, she decides to go with the latter.

“ _I thought I smelt dog,”_ Penelope says coolly. The initial surprise in Hope’s face quickly drains as she, too, registers Penelope in front of her.

“ _And I thought you weren’t allowed out, aren’t you a public menace?”_ Hope replies with equal ease, “ _considering your surrounded by hellfire.”_

 Penelope’s lips curl into an amused smile. Her logic tells her that Hope is no threat, that Josie had a crush on her years ago and doesn’t feel anything anymore. But she is equally as dumb as she is smart, especially when feelings are involved and her mind floods with thoughts about necklaces and the copious amounts of time Josie appears to be spending with Hope. So, she feels an insatiable need to somehow spite Hope.

“ _Perhaps so, but Josie,”_ she puts emphasis on the girls’ name, and Hope’s right eye brow raises, “ _never seemed to mind, she does have an affinity for fire.”_

Hope’s confusion flashes across her face, she’s wondering why Penelope would bring up Josie before she realises what Penelope is trying to do. She can’t help the laugh that escapes her, and she slaps her hand to her mouth to try to stifle it. Penelope’s cool, cold stare turns into a defensive one.

“ _What’s so funny?”_ She asks, irritation trying to mask insecurity. She puts her hands on her hips, trying to present herself as threatening.

“ _I’m sorry,”_ Hope says, in between breaths. She sucks in a deep one to try and calm herself, but the smile never leaves her face. “ _I just think it’s funny that you still think Josie has a thing for me.”_

Penelope swears she feels her eye twitch in anger.

“ _I do not!”_ She says defensively, Hope laughs again and Penelope thinks she would risk it all just to punch Hope in the face.

“ _Sure, that’s why you just tried to alpha dog me,”_ Penelope rolls her eyes.

“ _If you’re done making stupid assumptions,”_ she says, eyes narrowing slightly, “ _I’d like to get ready for the party. Standing here is definitely going to make me reek of mutt and I just had a shower.”_ Hope is unphased by the insult and makes no move to walk away.

 _“I’m actually glad I ran into you,”_ Hope says, ignoring Penelope’s comment. “ _Josie mentioned that she was going to the party too, she said she was going to see you. Does this mean you’ve spoken to her?”_

 _"Still invested in my love life?”_ Penelope says sarcastically.

 _“So you admit there’s still love.”_ Hope rebuttals instantly. Penelope sucks in a sharp breath, before shrugging.

“ _We’ve spoken.”_ Hope rolls her eyes at Penelope’s vagueness.

“ _About…?”_ She drawls, trying to get something out of Penelope.

“ _About how much of a dog you smell like.”_ Hope sighs, and Penelope’s lips form a humoured smile.

“ _Don’t make me throw you into a wall again,”_ Penelope scoffs. They have a semi intense stare off, before Penelope realises that Hope isn’t going to give it up. So she makes it easier for herself and relents so that she can get away quicker.

" _Fine, we’ve spoken but not about… The thing.”_ Penelope says almost uncomfortably, “ _we’re just friends now.”_

Hope looks unconvinced, “ _just friends? Are you sure that’s really what you want?”_

Penelope is getting of sick of Hope trying to psychoanalyse her, “ _if it wasn’t then why would I suggest it?”_

“ _Maybe that’s your way of keeping her in your life without actually having her.”_ Penelope feels a dull thud in her heart, and she knows Hope is right. God, Hope is so right. And that really pisses her off.

“ _Or maybe, I just want to be friends with her because I have to see her every single day and hating someone you see on a daily basis is quite exhausting.”_

“ _Josie did it just fine.”_ Penelope wants to smack Hope in the face.

“ _Thanks for the reminder.”_ She says spitefully. Hope gives her a smile too sweet to be real.

“ _It annoys me that you’re both just dancing around getting back together.”_ Penelope almost chokes on her saliva.

“ _What?”_ She tries not to splutter. Hope looks unimpressed.

“ _It’s so obvious that you both want each other, why the hell are you staying friends?”_

“ _What- We’ve been through this before!“_ Penelope fumbles to find the right words, “s _he obviously doesn’t want to be with me, her actions so far have said that much.”_ She doesn’t want to think about the moment they shared under the tree, because it confuses her and she is so _so_ sick of being confused.

“ _What makes you think that?”_

_“She never showed up!”_

_"What does that mean?!”_

They’re both raising their voices at each other, and Penelope takes in a deep breath. She pressing her finger to the bridge of her nose and sighs.

“ _I don’t know why you keep pushing it,”_ Penelope says, avoiding Hope’s question. “ _She doesn’t want to be with me, okay?”_

“ _She does,”_ Hope challenges, “ _she does and you know it, I know you know it. Why are you walking away from her?”_

“ _Because she didn’t ask me to stay!”_ Penelope says in exasperation, “ _I gave her the chance to tell me to stay and she didn’t, I wasn’t going to put myself through the pain of waiting around for someone who couldn’t even take ten minutes out of her day to read a letter, and I bet she still hasn’t either.”_

 _“That’s ridiculous, of course she’s read it.”_ Hope says with such confidence that Penelope is almost convinced.

“ _And how do you know that?”_ She asks, sceptically. Hope rolls her eyes, almost like it should be common knowledge.

“ _Why else would she have tried to seek you out for ages? Clearly she read it, though I’m assuming a little too late.”_ Penelope shakes her head in disbelief. She doesn’t want to get her hopes up, because if she does then that’s just another opening to potentially hurt her.

“ _We’ve spoken, how come she hasn’t brought it up?”_

 _“Have you met Josie? She’s the most awkward girl in the world.”_ Penelope’s lips tug up in a smile for second, “ _she probably is trying to figure out the best way to approach it before she does, it’s not exactly a light conversation.”_

Penelope really, _really,_ doesn’t want to get her hopes up right now, but the red head is making such strong points that Penelope can’t help the feeling budding inside her. She nods her head silently, and her brain spins with optimistic thoughts. She had tried so hard to get over Josie, and she was so sure that this was the last straw.

Deep down though, Penelope knows that as long as Josie is around, she’ll never really be able to get over the girl.

And that terrifies her.

* * *

The party is in full swing by the time Josie walks down to the old mill with Lizzie by her side. The loud, thumping music makes her feel uneasy, but Lizzie presses a comforting hand to her back and offers a smile and the feeling drains. They walk to the centre of the party, and Josie tries not to look so desperate as she scans the area in search of Penelope. Lizzie will inevitably leave her any second now, and she doesn’t want to be standing alone in the middle of this crowd when that happens. Her heart inflates when she spots Penelope, sitting on a log near a tree surrounded by the other witches, and then it instantly deflates when sees a particular witch sitting close to Penelope, a little _too_ close.

They’re laughing, or rather, the witch is laughing at something Penelope said. Josie recognises the witch as a one from the year below them, but she doesn’t know her name and that somehow makes her paranoid. The witch is very pretty. She has long, brunette hair and hazel eyes, flawless skin and legs that go for days. Before she can look away, green eyes find brown ones like a gravitational pull. Penelope offers a small, gentle smile and Josie returns it. Then, Penelope excuses herself from the crowd, her eyes not leaving the brunettes. Josie doesn’t fail to notice how the younger witch’s eye never leaves Penelope’s retreating back side either.   

“ _Hi Josie,”_ Penelope says with a softness that reminds Josie of when they were dating, Penelope spares a glance toward her twin, “ _Lizzie.”_

 _“Satan.”_ Lizzie acknowledges, but there is no spite behind it, almost amusement. Lizzie looks between the two before rolling her eyes, there’s a look on her face that makes Josie think she knows something that her twin doesn’t. She makes a mental note to ask Lizzie later, because her twin is already walking away, leaving her with Penelope. 

“ _You didn’t have to leave your friends to come and say hi, I would’ve come to you,”_ Josie says, almost shyly. Penelope laughs softly.

“ _You know damn well you’d be too intimidated by the amount of people there,”_ Josie’s face flushes with embarrassment, “ _I know you’d just hang around hoping someone would come up to you first, so I decided to save you that waiting time.”_

 _“That’s not true!”_ Josie says defensively, before relenting under Penelope’s _really?_ Look. “ _Okay fine, maybe it’s a little true.”_

Penelope raises her fist in the air as a sign of victory, and they share a laugh. “ _Do you want a drink?”_  

Josie nods, and they walk off side by side together. They’re shoulders are close, and their hands are merely inches from each other. Josie can feel the heat radiating off Penelope’s hand and she is so close to just grabbing Penelope’s it and holding it in hers. They grab their drinks, and Josie takes a tentative sip from her cup, her face scrunching in disgust almost immediately. 

“ _Eugh, still taste as horrible as ever.”_ Josie says, lips curled in distaste. Penelope rolls her eyes in amusement, 

“ _Don’t worry, you won’t have to drink that much to get drunk since you’re such a lightweight.”_ Josie hits her shoulder lightly in protest as they walk back to the other witches. 

“ _Am not!”_ Penelope only laughs as they reach their destination, and Josie doesn’t like the way the younger witch lights up at the sight of Penelope. Josie stands awkwardly as Penelope takes a seat next to the witch. The raven hair girl looks up in question, wondering why Josie hadn’t followed suit and sat down with her. Josie gives her an awkward look, and Penelope smiles in reassurance, gesturing to the spot next to her. 

Josie hesitantly sits down, offering the witch sitting on the other side of Penelope a warm, but reserved smile. The other witch returns it, but Josie can tell it’s fake and suddenly they are both aware of the war that has just began between them, tension floods the space but Penelope is oblivious to it.

 _“Oh, by the way, this is Anna.”_ Penelope says, gesturing to the witch next to her, “ _she’s in the younger level.”_  

“ _Nice to meet you,”_ Josie says, with a smile that’s gone as fast as it was formed.

“ _You too,”_ Anna says, with a fake, sweet smile, “ _it’s nice to finally meet the girl who managed to make and break Penelope Park.”_  

Josie’s eyes go wide, and Penelope scowls at Anna.

“ _Not funny.”_ Anna only shrugs.

“ _Sorry.”_ She says sweetly, leaning into Penelope. Josie decides now that she hates the girl’s voice. And the girl’s proximity to Penelope, and her hazel eyes and perfect smile. Josie just hates the girl. She hates her even more when she laughs at something Penelope says, and puts her hand on the Penelope’s thigh while looking Josie directly in the eyes. Josie takes a big gulp from her drink. 

This is going to be a long night. 

* * *

A few more hours into the party, and Josie is more drunk than she’s been in awhile. That’s because she takes a big sip every time Anna flirts with Penelope right in front of Josie, who is either too drunk to notice or just doesn’t care. A part of Josie, oh who is she kidding, _all_ of Josie wishes they were still dating so she could grab Penelope by the neck and smash their lips together, just to piss Anna off. They aren’t dating though, and that’s why Josie is drunk.

 _I can’t believe I’m third-wheeling my ex and this bitch._ Josie is considerably mean when she is drunk.  She doesn’t know what happened, she was busy staring up at the sky wondering why her lips are tingly. All she knows is that suddenly Penelope and Anna are standing, and Penelope is looking down at Josie expectantly. Josie looks back up in confusion. 

“ _Are you doing this to feel taller than me, because you’re so short?”_ Josie slurs her words a little, and Penelope laughs a loud laugh. 

“ _Oh my god, Josie are you drunk?”_ Josie can see Anna behind Penelope, looking at Josie with an irritated look because she just made Penelope laugh, something Anna hadn’t done much of. That boosts Josie’s ego. 

“ _Maybe,”_ she says, almost with flirtation. Penelope raises a perfect brow. 

“ _Maybe you should stop then, before you pass out lightweight.”_ Josie shrugs, swaying side to side. 

“ _And what if I don’t?”_  She says, standing up. She stumbles and Penelope instantly reaches out to steady her, placing her hands on Josie’s hips. Their faces are close together, and Penelope can see Josie’s hooded eyes. Josie leans in closer to whisper in her ear, “ _how are you going to stop me?”_  

Penelope’s heart stops and her brain malfunctions. They stand like that for a millisecond, before Anna clears her throat and Penelope lets go of Josie’s hips quickly. 

“ _Come on Pen, we have a game of beer pong to win.”_ Josie almost scoffs at the use of Penelope’s nickname. 

“ _Beer pong? Maybe I’ll join, it’ll be fun right,”_ Josie looks directly at Anna, her voice sickly sweet, “ _Pen?”_

Anna looks beyond irritated with Josie, who doesn’t back down from their silent staring battle. Penelope looks back and forth between the two, before she registers what’s happening. She can’t help but feel a little bit of happiness knowing that Josie is most likely jealous right now. Perhaps Hope was right, and Josie did read the letter and wants to fix things, that could explain why she’s jealous right now. Penelope shakes her head lightly, she doesn’t want to get too ahead of herself. 

They make their way to the beer pong table, and before Penelope can ask if Josie wants to be on her team, Anna is speaking. 

“ _I call dibs on Penelope!”_ Josie scowls.

“ _She isn’t an object you can call dibs on.”_ Anna shrugs, and Penelope is certain Josie is about to punch the girl in the face. With alcohol in her system, she knows Josie isn’t exactly the wisest person, or the nicest. 

“ _It’s okay Josie,”_ she says, trying to pacify the fuming girl, who oddly resembles an angry teddy bear. Josie glares at Anna, before walking to the other side of the table. She’s surprised to see Rafael there. They haven’t spoken much lately, and their kiss been forgotten up until now. Josie offers him a kind smile, which he returns. 

“ _Hey Jo,”_ he says, with a boyish smile that makes Josie remember why she had a crush on him in the first place. “ _Ready to tear it up in beer pong?”_  

“ _As ready as I’ll ever be.”_ Josie gives him a genuine, albeit drunk, smile. 

“ _When you guys are done flirting, we’d like to start.”_ Josie rolls her eyes so hard at the sound of Anna’s voice that she thinks they might fall out. It doesn’t matter though, because when she looks up she sees Penelope eyeing Raf with pure hatred. She wonders if Penelope knows that they kissed. _Of course she does, Penelope knows everything._

The game begins and Josie finds that she is as terrible at beer pong as she thought she was. It doesn’t matter though, because she gets a riot out of seeing Penelope’s face whenever she hugs Raf when he sinks a cup. Penelope feels exactly the same seeing Josie’s face when Anna side hugs her after getting a ball in. It’s childish, they both know it is but that doesn’t stop them from trying to rile each other up. Penelope doesn’t know what she’s trying to gain from this, and neither is Josie but right now they’re too drunk to care. 

Then, Penelope sinks the last cup remaining on Josie and Raf’s side, and that’s when it goes haywire. One second, Penelope is celebrating the winning shot, and the next, Anna’s lips are on hers, kissing her passionately. Penelope freezes, and Anna pulls back with a cheeky smile. 

“ _Nice shot, Pen.”_ She says, wiping her the remnants of their kiss off of her lips, while looking at Josie. Penelope breaks herself free from shock and looks over the other side of the table. Raf is looking at them, incredibly awkwardly and Josie looks like she is about to kill the other girl. Suddenly, Josie’s left hand flies out and grips Raf’s bicep. Penelope’s eyes widen as a warm, red glow appears between Josie’s hand and Raf’s arm. 

“ _Igna-“_ Penelope rushes over, taking Josie’s hand.

“ _Josie! Let’s go.”_ She commands, pulling her quickly. She drags an unwilling Josie away from the party and towards the school. Josie struggles against Penelope’s grip. 

“ _Let go of me!”_ She whines, Penelope only shakes her head. 

“ _If I let go of you, you’re probably going to commit arson.”_ Penelope said pointedly. Josie only lets out a whine that makes Penelope blush, she’s heard that whine before under very different circumstances. She’s trying to make her way back to Josie’s room, but the alcohol in her system is making it increasingly hard. After a few more moments of Josie struggling to break free and Penelope struggling to find her way, they find themselves in the dorm corridor.

Josie twists and turns a bit more and finally breaks free from Penelope’s grip. She stumbles a bit, and Penelope turns around with a piercing look.

“ _She deserved it!”_ Josie blurts, feeling small under Penelope’s gaze.

“ _For what?!”_ Penelope says in exasperation. 

“ _For kissing you of course!”_ She yells back, before quietly muttering, “ _and for just breathing.”_

 _“Why the hell were you trying to set a girl on fire for just kissing me? Why did it bother you that much?”_ Penelope knows, she _knows_ that they’re too drunk to be having a conversation that is clearly leading down the wrong path. She doesn’t stop though, because drunk words speak a sober mind and she is so _desperate_ to figure out what Josie’s thoughts are. 

“ _Because I don’t want other people to kiss you!”_ Josie yells, and Penelope feels frustration everywhere. 

“ _Why? Why do you care so much? We broke up!”_ They’re moving closer as they yell at each other. It’s like an invisible rope is tugging them towards each other, and neither of them care enough to pull away. 

“ _I know we broke up! That doesn’t mean I enjoy watching girls shove their tongue down your throat!”_

 _“You are so frustrating Josie! Make up your mind already! You don’t want to be with me, but you don’t want me to be with someone else. What do you want?!”_

“ _Fuck!”_ Penelope doesn’t know who leaned in first, but she doesn’t care because their lips are locked in a searing, breathless kiss and all the questions she has drains from her mind. Penelope grips the back of Josie’s neck, and Josie’s places her hands on Penelope’s face. Their kiss isn’t gentle, it’s sloppy and fast and full of hate, love and whatever other emotion they have. 

It’s a bad idea, it’s a terrible idea. It’s so bad that neither of them care enough to try and find logic to it, because now they’re stumbling into Josie’s room and kicking the door shut behind them. Penelope breaks the kiss to mutter a quick spell to lock the door before she joins their lips again. She pushes Josie against the door, moving her kisses to Josie’s neck. She smells like her perfume and alcohol and Penelope’s head is spinning from more than just the beer she was drinking. Josie is letting out sounds that make Penelope weak in the knees and she wonders if this is her personal heaven or if it’s her hell. 

It’s excruciatingly hot in the room, and Penelope decides that they are far too overdressed. She continues to assault Josie’s neck with kisses and bites as her hands find the hem of Josie’s top to pull it off. The brunette gasps at the feeling of Penelope’s hands on her skin, it feels like fire trailing across her body and Josie wants to feel it everywhere. She quickly helps Penelope pull off her top, before joining their lips for another hard, passionate kiss. Josie pushes into the kiss, trying to convey her anger, and Penelope pushes back, conveying her hurt. 

They need to stop, they both know they need to stop now before it goes too far. But they don’t, and instead Josie turns them around, pushing Penelope against the door. She pulls off Penelope’s top while she unbuttons Josie’s jeans. Her lips find Penelope’s neck, and she trails kisses down it before finding the spot she knows Penelope loves and sucking hard on it. She knows it’ll leave a deep mark, and she does it because she knows that tomorrow will come with regrets. And she thinks that Penelope will want to erase it from her memory, but if she leaves this hickey then it’ll be harder to forget. 

They undress each other more, until they’re both standing in their bra and undies. Penelope had almost forgotten how _good_ Josie looked in undergarments, and she feels an insatiable need to have Josie again. She pushes Josie back, blindly as they fight for dominance in the kiss. Josie’s back bumps the desk, and her hand swipes the side of the desk pushing the contents to the other side while Penelope waste no time in helping her sit up on the desk. She stands between Josie’s legs, hands roaming her body as Josie’s hands tangle in her hair. 

Penelope pulls back, and their hearts are racing. She gives Josie a look, and she knows that Penelope is silently asking for reassurance that this is what she wants. They stare at each other, and Josie tucks a piece of hair behind Penelope’s ear. Her voice comes out as barely a whisper. 

“ _I want you.”_ And that’s all that Penelope needs to hear. She leans back in for a kiss, but then, in her peripheral vision, she spots something. Something red, like the _unopened_ seal of the letter she had written. Penelope stops in her tracks, and blinks twice. She stares at the letter for a beat, trying to make sure that she is really seeing what she’s seeing, and that it’s not because she’s drunk. There’s no mistake though, that’s her letter, and it hasn’t been opened. 

_Josie never read it._

She follows Penelope line of sight, and her heart drops when she realises that Penelope is staring at the letter. She looks at the raven haired girl, her mouth open, trying to find the words to explain. Penelope looks back at her, searching her face for something, _anything_ that could tell her that she’s not seeing correctly, that it’s a different letter and she’s actually read Penelope’s. But the guilty look on Josie’s face confirms her worst suspicion, and the moment between them is instantly sobered. 

Penelope backs away from Josie, her head shaking in disbelief while she looks at the ground. 

“ _Penelope, wait,”_ Josie pleads, hopping down from the desk. Penelope lifts her hand up to stop Josie from coming closer. She looks up, and Josie’s heart breaks at the pure sadness in Penelope’s eyes.

“ _You never read it?”_ It’s meant to be a question, but it comes out as a statement because they both know the answer. Josie’s lung seize up and she can’t find the breath to speak. 

“ _I can explain-“_ Penelope scoffs, her eyes turning hard. She folds her arms defensively over her chest, as if that will protect her heart from being broken yet _again._  

“ _There’s no need. This was a mistake.”_ She says, shaking her head again. “ _God, I’m such an idiot. I can’t believe I let myself believe that you actually read the letter like Hope said you would’ve, that you’d actually for once stop playing with my heart.”_

 _“I was going to read it tonight.”_ Josie says weakly. Penelope lets out a bitter laugh, picking up her clothes. 

“ _I’m so stupid.”_ Penelope mutters, “ _for weeks, I’d been hoping you’d give me one good reason to stay, but instead you’re giving me a thousand reasons to go.”_

 _“Please-“_ Josie tries, her lips trembling. 

“ _This is it Josie, I can’t do it.”_ Penelope's voice cracks, “ _my heart can’t take it. I'm done, I will not wait around for you anymore.”_

 _"Don’t- Penelope don't leave.”_ Josie begs. She's racking her brain, trying to find the words to convince Penelope to stay, but knows that her words will fall on deaf ears. 

“ _I can’t believe I thought you weren’t serious when you said you’d never read it.”_ Penelope says, with a look so cold it almost makes Josie shiver, “ _I can’t believe I waited for you there.”_

Josie looks back at her in confusion, “ _what are you talking about?”_

Penelope ignores her, muttering a spell to unlock the door while walking briskly towards it. Josie lurches forward and grabs her hand, stopping her. 

“ _Let go of me, Josie.”_ Penelope says in a low voice, not turning around. It’s so cold that Josie drops her hand. 

“ _What do you mean you waited for me there?”_ Josie asks, with desperation in her voice, “ _waited for me where?”_  

Penelope walks to the door and opens it to leave, but not before turning back around and looking at Josie like she is a stranger. 

“ _You wanna know?”_ She says, her voice filled with defeat, “ _read the letter.”_ And then she’s gone, shutting the door behind her harshly. Josie stands in front of her door, in her bra and undies wondering how it ended up like this. 

She wonders how many more time she has to watch Penelope walk away before the girl never comes back.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Don't be mad at me!
> 
> Also, in my head Penelope’s letter had a red seal on it because I thought that was something she’d probably do
> 
> Disregard the bottom note, that was from the first chapter and I don't know how to get rid of it. I'm definitely continuing!!

**Author's Note:**

> Ouch! What did you guys think? Let me know if you want me to continue or to leave it here! Have a good week, until next time stay safe!


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